Trying ...

The only real reason I am blogging today is because I am trying to get better. I am attempting to put "on paper", if you will, the thoughts that abound in the attempt to get back to a place of mental-emotional peace. This, I fear, is the biggest challenge I am facing. I am finding it increasingly difficult to get back to just being me.

This morning during a time of introspection I have realized that I feel like I am in a perpetually sad place. By "sad" I mean that I am finding it very hard to find pleasure in things. Even in those things that would normally bring me joy.

I'll elaborate. I beg that you do not judge me. I am only human.

In recent months I have been in an extended state of mental-emotional darkness.

I sought help by looking for a therapist. I found one thankfully but we still have a long way to go. Loads of things to work on and work through.

Anyway, for about 4 or 5 months now I've been in the throes of a depressing, anxiety and PTSD flareups. I've been doing the best I can to cope, and for those that don't know me well enough, they'd never be able to tell that I am not okay.

In the past 3 months especially, I have found no reason to want to take care of myself, to do things that I would normally enjoy, to be social ... anything, really. And when I do do these things I feel like it is being done more because of obligation than desire.

Even when I m writing or creating the "high" is passé. The contentment (not happiness like before) is only there during the time I am doing the thing and once I am done ... gone. Just like that. Like a puff of smoke if just fades away almost instantaneously. 

I shower out of obligation. I hardly care for my hair and only do so out of obligation as well. I don't really want to go out but do so because I have not option. I haven't shaved my legs (or anything) in at least 3 months. I don't want to put makeup on. Jewelry is only used because it is there and probably should be used. I don't feel like dressing up and would walk around in sweats or pajamas all day if I could. I don't really care about what I eat, when or why. I only exercise because I have to do so but find no enjoyment in it like I used to. I talk to people outside of my son and best friend because I am also obligated to.

But at the end of the day, the only thing that I really want to do is stay in bed, be a shut in, sleep all day and do nothing else.

Honestly, I can't even cry. I want to, but I can't. Literally can't. The tears just won't come.

I used to love to cook. It was one of my favorite hobbies. Now, I would eat frozen dinners, candy or sandwiches all day, every day if I could.

Again, I cook because my family needs to eat. Truth be told, I don't even exert any energy in trying to make it " taste good" anymore. I don't care that much.

I can't find a reason to care about anything anymore. I don't care what I look like, what people think, what I do and why. I just don't have it in me.

Most of the things I do, I do out of pure obligation and that sucks.

There have been some days in between the down slopes that I think I may be feeling better to the point where I even believe it myself. Then, the very next day, boom! In the gutter again.

Each day I try to find something to laugh about. It is so hard to do. I always try to joke around or whatever ... anything to at least smile once a day. But it is so forced that many times it just feels fake.

My biggest fear is that I will never be myself again. That I'll live in this darkness in perpetuity.

The layers go so deep that many times I just don't have the words to explain the why.

Imagine going down a very long, seemingly eternal staircase. Every step downward is a different reason why your sinking deeper. That is what it is like. Each step is a reason, but I can't seem to get off of the staircase. All I can do is look up at the light I am leaving behind in the hopes that I can soon turn around and go back up.

I want to find "a reason" to be happy again. I want so badly to get back to my happy place. But my biggest fear is that I will never get there again.

The most frustrating thing is when people say things like ...

It'll get better.

Cheer up. You just have the blues.

Why are you so sad? Just smile.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Just look at the silver lining.

You can do it. You're strong.

Don't worry, be happy.

This is only temporary. 

So, since I know that the above are going to be the answers I'll get from most people, I just don't even bother exerting the energy to talk to anyone. What's the point? They just don't get it.

I rather suffer in silence than hear someone tell me any of the above stated lines, or anything like them.

Sometimes I just want someone to listen and not give me a pep-talk of shit that I already know. Sometimes I just want permission to be vulnerable and sad without any cheerleader giving me some bullshit happy talk.

SOMETIMES I JUST WANT A HUG OR TO BE HELD.

NO WORDS. JUST ACTIONS.

Sometimes ...

Q&A with Y. Correa: Writing Struggles

Hey y'all, it's been far too long.

I don't think I've blogged about anything since July. So, let's take care of that, shall we?

---

I was asked:

What has been the biggest struggle with taking on "The Legacy of MarcoAntonio & Amaryllis: Mother Haydie's Revenge", that's to say, Part 2 of "MarcoAntonio & Amaryllis"?

Pardon me, while I wipe away a tear.

I have to admit ...

I'm having a hell of a time writing this story. Not because I don't have any ideas, or writers block for that matter, but because I'm afraid.

Yes, I said it. I AM AFRAID!

Some of you might understand what I'm about to say, some of you might not. But, I suppose the best way to address this question is to rewind the clock and give you a tad bit of backstory.

For all of you artists and writers out that, a question.

Have you ever written a Master Piece, and when deciding on expanding said Master Piece, you find yourself worried that the next part will not measure up to the magnificence of the original?

That is where I have been for well over 2 and a half years when it comes to the 2nd (and final) installment of "MarcoAntonio & Amaryllis".

Whether rationally or irrationally, I fret that the 2nd part might take away from the luster and richness of part 1.

I know, in my heart of hearts that that's a ridiculous concern, but at the same time it is a fearful thing to think about. I mean, part 1 was, I felt, a true work of art. Of course, the reviews I obtained for it confirmed my thoughts. So, while I'm certain that part 2 will be just as good in its own right, I simply can't shake that anxiety.

Recently, I re-started working on "The Legacy of MarcoAntonio & Amaryllis: Mother Haydie's Revenge" and I had an epiphany of what elements I could use to tie both books together.

You see, when I first started it, it was mostly because I didn't want the characters to go away. I had grown so close to them, that the thought of them fizzling away in one book crushed me. Suffice it to say, that my first few chapters had little or nothing to do with the main theme of the tale. So, I was stagnant for some time, as I worried my little heart off that I would never discover a common ground. THAT, in and of itself, could be that cause of a irrevocable failure—the story not achieving it's full potential, or being as good as the first.

And, after 2 years and some months, I finally came across the best way to merge the 2. It had been there all along, but fear had kept me from seeing it.

In part 1 there is the mention of a family heirloom in the form of a Sword & Shield duo; The Ebony Sword & The Ebony Shield. In book one, it is only commented on briefly. Yet, the value and meaning of this heirloom was great.

Then, it occurred to me.

I needed to bring them back! Only with them in the 2nd book would I be able to make the story all that it can be.

So, basically, wish me luck y'all.

---

Well, that's it for this session of Q&A with Y.

Talk to y'all soon. And wish me luck with getting this book finished.

2015: My Year In Books

As I try to do each year, here is my overview of Books Read in 2015.

So, let's get started, shall we?

1. "Fictional Worlds: Traditions in Narrative and the Age of Visual Culture, Vols 1-4" by L.A.  Alexander: 3 Stars


2. "Luz" by Luis Gonzalez: 4 Stars


3. "Visiting Lily" by Toni Allen: 5 Stars


4. "Lest Camelot Fall" by Danny Adams: 5 Stars

1. "Let's Play on Valentine's Day" by Adonis Mann: 5 Stars


2. "Ardalia: The Breath of Aoles" by Alan Spade: 2 Stars


3. "My Anniversary" by Cora West: 2 Stars

1. "The Child Is Father of the Man: Tips and Techniques for Wise Parenting" by Ignatius Fernandez: 2 Stars


2. "The Colors of Love" by K.R. Raye: 4 Stars

1. "Double Spy" by Peter Van Wermeskerken: 3 Stars


2. "Minuteman Merlin" by Frederick H. Crook: 4 Stars


3. "Boundless Limits: Transcendent Choice Book 1" by Da'Kharta Rising: 5 Stars


4. "Wordplay: Liberation of the Spirit" by Andrew Boyd: 4 Stars


5. "Saving Gracie" by Nancy DeMarco: 4 Stars

1. "How to Rid Your Swimming Pool of a Bloodthirsty Mermaid (Slug Pie Story #2)" by Mick Bogerman: 5 Stars


2. "Finding Home" by M.M. Justus: 2 Stars


3. "Black Lies" by Alessandra Torre: 2 Stars

1. "Rich Life, Skinny Wallet" by Erin Frey: 4 Stars


2. "How to Find a Bra that Fits" by Liz Kuba: 4 Stars


3. "The Return" by Carter Vance: 3 Stars


4. "The Re-Awakening" by Carter Vance: 2 Stars

1. "Night Dreams 5" by A. Lopez Jr.: 3 Stars


2. "Phoning Home" by  Jacob M. Appel: 3 Stars


3. "The Castle Park Kids" by Laura Smith: 1 Star

1. "The Mine" by John A. Heldt: 4 Stars


2. "Elven Jewel" by Kasper Beaumont: 2 Stars


3. "The Guinea Ghost" by M.J. Holman: 5 Stars

1. "The House on Sunset" by Sarafina Bianco: 3 Stars


2. "My African Dream" by Mario Saincic: 2 Stars

1. "Code Name Atlas" by Tony Evans: 1 Star


2. "One Year There" by Robert Denis Holewinski: 4 Stars


3. "Letters To Nan" by Matthew Wooding: 3 Stars


4. "Orange Rain" by Jan Smitowicz: 2 Stars

1. "Sovereign's Wake (In The Absence of Kings, #1)" by Lee LaCroix: 4 Stars


2. "The Einstein Pool" by Jake Danger: 4 Stars

1. "The Stillness of Winter" by Vincent Watson: 3 Stars


2. "Cupertino Story" by Matt Szymanowski: 1 Star

 

So that was my year in books. Was it great? Not so much. Was it terrible? Kinda, sorta. Did I wish it were better? Absolutely. But, it is what it is. Let's see what 2016 brings. See y'all next year. Same time, same place.

2015 Is Almost Over

Hello my sweets!

Today I think I am going to go down memory lane to see what all I accomplished (if anything) during 2015. I hope that I'm able to remember it all. Wish me luck. :D

Let me seeeeeee ....

I suppose I should probably talk about my accomplishments as an author but not include the things I've done as the head of All Authors Publications & Promotions. Or, should I? :o I'm not sure.

On second thought, probably not as that would be too much to list. So, I'll just list my accomplishments as an author as well as personal accomplishments.

With that said, let's get started.

In January I participated in the release of "Concordant Vibrancy 1: Unity". The title of my entry was "Alma's Unsung Angel".

Here is a snippet.

This is the story of how a single orange, autumn Leaf changed everything.

Father Wind blew with a soft whistle; music was his talent. Such was his talent that if you looked closely you could see it swirling in the space around you.  A nearby Sugar Maple tree felt the tickle of his breath, and smiled. She loved the feather like, soft stroke, and the feeling that it provided as it caressed her hard brown bark.

There was something particularly enticing about this season. Every tree, that was any tree knew this.

People walked by, looking up at her abundant supply of orange, red and yellow leaves, admiring them. Children anxiously waited for them to fall from her old and stern branches so that they could jump in them and play.

To anyone, this would have been your average mid-October morning, had it not been for that single gust from Father Wind, which caused that sole Sugar Maple tree Leaf to come undone from its tethers.

The breeze streamed by, titillating the old branch a little more profusely than it would have on any other occasion. It was that teeny, tiny, extra, fragment of pressure that cause the resolutely affixed Leaf to dance the scantest bit more than it usually would.

Father Wind is gifting us an extraordinary blow today, mused Mother Sugar Maple.

The Leaf, whom was tightly intertwined to its mother giggled at the feeling—she too knew that there was something exceptionally special in that gust of wind which Father Wind had wafted. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on, but she was content to bask in the music that it provided. That melody that allowed her to rhythmically move to its beat—it gave her a certain feeling of freedom—to her that was more than enough.

However, what the enamored Leaf did not know was what was just about to happen. Unbeknownst to her, she was about to come unhinged from the one entity that gave her life—her mother Sugar Maple.

Sugar Maple, chortled, also mesmerized by the splendid and refreshing gust. It was a day full of glee. This was any sugar maple trees’ favorite season. There was something expressly unique about it all. The ambiance, the way the sun shined, the scents in the air—all of it was a glorious change from the humid and hot summer days, that although caused her leaves to turn green, also was uncomfortably hot.

How was Mother Sugar Maple to know what was about to happen to her beloved, albeit adventurous daughter Leaf?

January also marked the time when I re-released my novel "MarcoAntonio & Amaryllis" with All Authors and gave it a new cover.

Also, my birthday is in January as is my daughter's, Eve. Mine is the 26th and her's the 27th. True story. So, there was that.

February was a relatively quiet month for me. Although, lots of introspection occurred during that month. February was the month that I decided that things needed to change with my life on a personal level and that I needed to get away from my current situation. Therein came the decision to leave Florida.

Oh, one other great thing happened in February; "MarcoAntonio & Amaryllis" became an Amazon Bestselling Novel in it's genre. That was super awesome!

I also completed the first installment of "Earth 8-8-2" in February and titled it "Earth 8-8-2: The Genesis Project".

In the month of March I completed my short story submission for the (at the time) upcoming short story collection called "Crackles of the Heart: Divergent Ink Book 1". The story was called "The Steam of Opposites", and when I completed it, I hated it. LOL. "The Steam of Opposites" was my first attempt at a Steam Punk Romance, and for a while, I thought I failed the genre horribly.

In April I joined forces with the one and only Da'Kharta Rising and did a Double Book Release of my story "Earth 8-8-2: The Genesis Project" and her story "Boundless Limits: Transcendent Choice Book 1".

For an excerpt of "Earth 8-8-2: The Genesis Project" visit HERE.

The last thing I accomplished in April was the revamping of the covers to all of my free short stories (Ryan, Loving ... them!, and The G Particle).

May marked the beginning of the change that I needed. While, for the most part May was a quiet month for me, the end of May brought the much needed move from Florida. On May 27th, my little boy and I hitched a flight to New Jersey.

I am so grateful for this move.

Also, in early May, I went back to look at the story I'd written for "Crackles of the Heart". Having done some much needed edits to it, and then having added a bit more to the story as well, I eventually fell in love with "The Steam of Opposites". I realized that for my first attempt at writing in a genre that I wouldn't typically write in, I'd done a good job.

It was at that time that the self-given title of "Multi-Genre Author" truly stuck. You see, for some time I'd been writing in various genres, sometimes in one story, but having taken on the enterprise of writing something completely out of my comfort zone validated said skill.

Considering that June was the start of Summer Vacation—so, my son was not in school—June didn't prove to be a very productive month for me as an author. So, I spent most of my time working behind the scenes with all things All Authors.  Plus, it would have been hard to do anything with having just moved to another state and having my son home on Summer Vacation.

July marked the release of "Crackles of the Heart", as well as the rekindling of my gumption for "Genesis Ellipse ...".

Of course, I haven't written much more on "Genesis Ellipse ..." since the end of July. *huffs*

August marked my little boy's 13th birthday. He isn't so little any more, of course.

I've talked at length on my blog about my son, Gino. He's the light of my eyes. Here's a picture.

So, while he turned 13, mentally he is only about 6 or 7 years old. But, I tell ya, that boy went through a serious growth spurt when he hit 13. He's currently got 6 inches on me. I have to LOOK UP at my LITTLE BOY! What's that all about?! :D LOL

Also, in August I wrote a short story that will be included in "Concordant Vibrancy 2: Vitality" which is to be released on January 15th, 2016. August was also the month I started working on a story I titled "Lilith's Dominion".

September marked a change in direction. The latter part of the year was focused on All Authors Publishing House and it all started in September.

Although, I was still working behind the scenes on some of my own things, including "Lilith's Dominion", I was mostly tending to the flock, if you will. But you see, I love doing that, so for me it was productivity. :)

Also, in September I submitted my short story piece for "Concordant Vibrancy 2: Vitality" and I named it "Genomegenics". It a short story that pack a big punch.

I took October to further work on "Lilith's Dominion", I also blogged a lot since most of my attentions were going towards things All Authors related.

I completed "Lilith's Dominion" and continued to put forth tons of time and effort to All Authors P&P. I also started a cover concept for "Lilith's Dominion".

Also, in November I touched base with Co-Author of my upcoming (and very first) crime novel, A. Lopez Jr., in order to restart that project as it had been on hold for quite some time.

Well, we are currently in December (only having hit the half way mark today) and what have I been doing?

Work, work, work!

I'm getting ready for the release of "Concordant Vibrancy 2: Vitality", I'm doing tons and tons of behind the scenes work. I'm writing when I can, blogging when I can and working on my older WIPs when I can. Also, I started constructing the bones of what will be the "Earth 8-8-2 Website" which will focus on the Earth 8-8-2 Multiverse and the Characters therein. It's going to be a great tool for lovers of the Earth 8-8-2 series as they will be able to use it to see some Behind the Sense type of information and bonus material. Things that won't be in the books. It should be fun.

Honestly, I'm excited about 2016. If all goes according to plan (and if time permits), come 2016 you guys should be seeing some (if not all) of the following releases by your truly:

• "Concordant Vibrancy 2: Vitality" An All Authors Anthology


• "Earth 8-8-2.2 (Subtitle Still Unnamed)" the 2nd installment of the Earth 8-8-2 Series


• "The Legacy of MarcoAntonion & Amaryllis" the 2nd and final installment of "MarcoAntonio & Amaryllis"


• "Pleasure Prints: Divergent Ink Book 2" An All Authors Anthology


• "Lilith's Dominion" a novelette


• "Peter Blade" Co-Authored with A. Lopez Jr.


• And who knows, if all goes well, probably even "Genesis Ellipse ..."

So, in retrospect, this year was pretty productive. For a while I was thinking that I hadn't gotten much done. But now, when I look at it all written out ... I did a shit ton. And, most of what I pointed out doesn't include my work as the President/Founder of All Authors Publications & Promotions and all of its subsidiaries and/or my participation in The Review Board. WOOT!

Alright, well, I guess things can only go up from here. What do you think?

<3ing My Fans: Q&A with Y. Correa

I was asked:

"If you could have a 'day in the life' with any of your characters, who would it be and why?"

Maaaaan, this is one of those questions that would be incredibly hard for me to answer. Why would it be so hard for me to answer? Well, because everyone of my characters holds a special place in my heart. Nevertheless, I promise to give it my best shot.

Funny though, as I heavily ponder on the question while I write this blog post, my answer becomes a bit more clear every second.

It would be ...

From "Earth 8-8-2: The Genesis Project"

We first meet Dr. Scott during the rebellion of Earth 8-8-2 towards the tyrants that governed the world. He's a man that needs to feel a sense of purpose, but more than that an intelligent man that can serve the greater good via his knowledge and capabilities.

Here are some of the attributes that Dr. Scott has that would ultimately lead me to want to spend time with him. Be it a day, a week, or a month.

(PS: Random side note. I also have sort of a baby crush on this character.)

Dr. Scott would look sort of like the above, but not completely. He would have crimson red skin, yellow eyes and mahogany hair.

Anywho ...

1. He is a scientist, which implies that he's incredibly intelligent and indubitably fascinating.  (More random side notes: I'm into sexy nerds. #SapiosexualPride)


2. He has a good heart, and is very caring, although he didn't discover that right away.


3. I'm positive that there would be things that he could teach me which I'd never heard of or seen before. IE: Like how he created Genesis.

So ... what would a day with Dr. Scott be like? Hmmm. I think it's easier to show you rather than to tell you.

Knock, knock.

The knock was louder than Y would have liked, but her excitement was oozing from her pores. Finally, after all of this time, she'd be spending a day with Doctor Frederick Scott, a scientist—biologist, to be exact—whom she'd revered for years. Dr. Scott's research captivated her; the sound logic, the fantastical notions, the outstanding approach. Dr. Scott was, without a doubt, an expert at his craft, and Y felt as though she was blessed for getting the opportunity of meeting him.

'Blessed?' She pondered, Is 'blessed' even a scientific word? Probably not, she concluded.

Knock, knock.

She thumped once more since she'd not heard anything the first time around. A rustling noise caught her attention, and she posed herself for the impending opening of the door.

Who will it be? She wondered, Will it be him?

The door flew open, and there was no one there. However, when Y glanced down in disappointment she saw the tip of someone's shoe holding the door open. From behind the door she heard, "Come in, come in! Sorry, can't let this go right now."

She squealed secretly then sauntered inside. Once Y'd made it in through the threshold, the same foot that was holding the door open, pushed it shut. The door made a loud slamming sound causing Y to flinch. Behind the door, sitting on an office chair with wheels, was Dr. Scott. Y's stomach twisted with excitement; butterflies and all that.

Pushing his wheeled chair forward, Dr. Scott extended his hand and greeted Y. "So, you must be Y. Correa. Nice to meet you. Please pardon my ..." he looked around the room and his eyes fluttered as he contemplated the proper word to finish the sentence, "condition. Just been a bit extra busy as of late."

"Not! A! Problem!" Y, extended her hand to take his but couldn't stop herself from shaking.

EEK! She thought.

"So, did you bring a lab coat?" Dr. Scott asked, readying for the busy day ahead.

"Um, oops." Y replied, her cheeks taking on a similar hue to Dr. Scott's skin.

"Oh, I see. Well, good news. Not to worry, I have an extra one right here. Although, it might be a bit long." He blinked, then stood, "How tall are  you?"

"Five feet, zero inches." She responded with glee, a pride in that fact which made no sense whatsoever.

"Oh, wow. Then it'll definitely be a bit long." Dr. Scott said as he pulled off the coat that was on a hook next to his work desk. "You're going to have to roll up the sleeves."

"Pfff! I'm an expert at that!" Y retorted, instantly realizing the foolishness of her reply then tried to correct it, floundering and stuttering as she did. "I mean- um- it's that- what I'm saying is that I have to hem or cuff all of my clothes." then she smiled awkwardly and shrugged her shoulders.

Dr. Scott giggled. Patting her on the back, once she'd pulled on the coat, Dr. Scott invited Y to a work desk which was covered in all sorts of gadgets and scientific apparatuses. Y's eye sparkled with elation.

"Do you see this here?" Dr. Scott pointed to a beaker filled with a gelatinous substance.

"Mhm, sure do. What is it?"

Y reached for it without permission but before she could touch it Dr. Scott blurted, "Don't touch it!" causing Y to stop short.

"Um ... oops, again." Y said, then a weary look crossed her face.

How many times am I gonna mess this up?

"No, no, I'm sorry for yelling. It's just that that substance is highly delicate. It's the future." the last two words were said with an emphasis that made Y's hair crawl, in a good way.

"Okie doke! Won't touch it, promise."

"Good," Dr. Scott said with a smile, "So, this here is, as I said, the future. The future of humanity here on Earth 8-8-2. He will save us all."

"Dude, I'm so glad I'm not an 8-8-2 Earthling. Earth 1 has problems, but dayum ...!" After Y said that, she slapped her hands over her mouth with regret. Poking her mouth out for a split second, she finished. "Sorry."

"It's quite alright, Y. You're right, actually. It's a mess here. Earth 1, is better off for sure."

Man, he's so nice! Why can't I meet more men like him?

Y meditated on it for a moment when she was interrupted by Dr. Scott. "Y, here, come with me. I'll show you around the place. I hear that you're a huge science fanatic. Oh, and I hear that you write Sci-Fi as well. Anything I've heard of."

"You have no idea ...!" said Y in a saucy tone.

"Oh?" Dr. Scott shrugged his shoulders then led her to various parts of the facility. Y marveled at the wonderment of it all. At times she found herself stupefied, other times speechless, other times still, awe stricken. This was everything she'd ever wanted and more. The entire tour, Dr. Scott explained many things in a sundry of ways. Y followed along perfectly, often asking questions just for conservation's sake.

God, I love his voice, she thought, sighed with admiration and a high degree of infatuation.  It seemed as though the more he spoke, the more she succumb to his irresistible nerdiness.

Before long, the day had wafted by in a marvelous, splendorous, mirage of happenstances. Fortuitous or preordained? Who cared? It didn't matter. All that mattered was that it was happening.

Every object, every experiment, every word, was a lesson learned for Y, and she delighted in it. The receptacles of her cerebrum being fulfilled by the vast amounts of intellect provided by Dr. Scott.

Y was apprehensive about leaving. She'd felt so at home, so comfortable that she had a hard time letting that go. Likewise, she longed to learn more, explore more. However, as things would have it, her time with the Doctor was coming to its end.

In the spur of the moment, Y interjected, "So, how about a hot dog?" asking Dr. Scott in the form of an invitation.

"A 'hot dog'?" he asked perplexed.

"Y'all don't eat hot dogs on Earth 8-8-2?"

"If you're referring to a cooked K9, then we indeed do not."

"Oh, no," she chuckled between words, "No, no, it's nothing like that. A hot dog is just a slang word that we use for a hot sausage. You know, the kind you put in a bun and cover in mustard ...?" Her final statement was more of a prompt than an actual question.

"Oh! Of course, yes, we call those 'wieners' here."

"We call 'em wieners too, but hot dog is a more common word," Y nodded, "So, do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Eat 'em?"

"Oh, yes. Yes, of course I do."

Y smiled large. "Great, then let's go get one."

"I'd love to. I'll pay. Mostly, because you don't have our currency."

"Shoot, I don't have any currency!" Y blurted, then laughed heartily at her own joke.

"You're funny, Y. Funny indeed." Dr. Scott smirked, then finished, "We should do this again some time soon."

"WOOT!" was Y's last comment before they trekked off to a nearby wiener stand.

So, that, my dear fan is the answer to your question.

Later,

Y :D <3

Journal Entry 11/10/2015

This morning I awoke with a single thought:

The problem with being a transcendent thinker is that your world is painted in a wide array of colors, none of them earthly.

I've encountered this problem most of my life. As of late, it seems to have doubled. I can count on two hands (if I'm lucky) the amount of times that people outside of my closest circle have been able to understand my train of thought. Sometimes, those IN my closest circle fail to grasp their depth.

When I'm told of a situation, of a problem or even a story, my mind immediate analyzes the core of said circumstance then attempts to process the future ramifications.

I find that I have a sort of "Butterfly Effect" mentality.  The Butterfly Effect is a theory which implies that a butterfly flapping it's wings halfway across the world, several weeks earlier, could potentially cause a hurricane in China.

For example:

When some people look at Ancient Egyptian Pyramids, they think of the beauty. Perhaps, how old they are, and even want to go inside them, or climb them.

I, on the other hand, consider the cutler from which they stemmed, the enigma of their history, the otherworldly facets that I believe played a part in their existence.  I think of the people who enjoyed them, and used them. I think of the history and the science, down to a molecular level. My mind reels into places, spaces, colors, aromas, and shapes that many cannot see. All of my senses—the 5 physical ones, and the 1 metaphysical sense—tingle with tangible excitement as my mind probes the possibilities, plausibility, and probabilities. It truly is a supernatural experience. I would go so far as to say, that's it's much like a religious experience.

My mind is highly visual and very hypersensitive to certain factors. Therefore, I think deeply, profoundly and consummately.

I often consider Einstein's thought experiments. I've come to realize that had I had the ability—more so in time than competence—I might be one to embark on such things. I envy that life hasn't offered me the time and space to do so. I regularly feel restrained, as if living in a box from which there is no escaping. It's constricting and suffocating.

But, that's a whole other story for another day.

Today, I was steady thinking about people and how generally I'm unable to have intellectual and philosophical conversations with them. My biggest dilemma is that I've come across many a person whom professes to be on the same mental level as I, yet once they open their mouth, I find that they are not. It's saddening.

You see, I am not claiming to be the most intelligent person on earth. I know that I am not. There are people that are by far more intelligent. What I do know about myself is that I am a ethereal thinker, and a visionary. When you add that to my curiosity, hunger for knowledge and desire of discovery, you find that my mental aptitude is ... well, I don't want to say higher, but I will say, more avant-garde. Unconventional.

I'm reminded of a character that I created for a free short story that I wrote. I find that she is me. I relate to her more than words can say. Her name? Camielle. Her story? Camielle's Lights.

Blurb:

Camielle never quite fit in. Her whole life she’s been nothing but a fly in a glass of milk—never quite coinciding with everyone and everything around her. Until, the unexpected happens. An amazing array of lights covers the New York skies, and the world is taken aback. What were these lights? Where did they come from? The answers evade even the most intelligent of people. However, to Camielle the lights were the least of the problem.

Written in the semblance of Vintage 1960’s Sci-Fi, take a small trip with Camielle as she finds out what the lights really mean.

Camielle, is the prototype of me. She's considered awkward, out of the box. Weird, even. She never really fit in, but that was alright with her. She was content with just being herself.

We first find Camielle looking at people whilst the very same people that she is scrutinizing are gazing at an anomaly in the sky. Humanity is preoccupied with what's going on around them, but Camielle's biggest concern is why they are acting the way that they are. The inner workings of the human mind is what entices Camielle. Not necessarily the mechanics therein, but the fundamental cognition.

Why? Why has always been the question that has plagued Camielle, even at her young age. Then, unwillingly, the why morphs into the what, then how, then when and then who.

Camielle realizes that the human mind is an enigma, yet she also know that it's a labyrinth that most never traverse in a lifetime. That's what makes Camielle so special. Later on she discovers that there's a reason why her brain works differently than other peoples.

Here is an excerpt:

Wispy ringlets danced in the sky in a million different colors—some unrecognizable. Soft blue and majestic puffy cotton-balls filled the space behind it. A backdrop of celestial azure with a rainbow of circles aplenty curtaining atop. A single sphere of bright light swayed to and fro above it. A luminescent orb with a life of its own.

Eyes lucidly followed the orb and gazes became hypnotized by the labyrinthine magic of the lights. What was it? Never in written history did anyone ever witness the likes of this, and never would they in years to come. A once in a lifetime event for those lucky enough to see its splendor.

Camielle wasn't paying much mind to the lights like all the others; her mind was fixed on the multitudes' reactions to the  unknown. While some were amazed and enamored by the lights, the others watched in fear—the uncharted always caused fear. Such an unusual thing, the human mind, Camielle surmised.

For a girl of such a young age—only having just turned eight—these questions and thoughts would be peculiar. Yet for Camielle, it was nothing short of an everyday thought. She never was much like all the rest. Never quite fit in.

As she watched the splendiferous beams lull in the air, Camielle strolled through the crowd in Central Park, occasionally touching a strangers hand just to see if they would react. No one even so much as noticed her. What, she thought, is so curious about lights in the sky? They're just lights. Furthermore, she pondered on the fact that people should be more concerned about what was causing this marvelous aurora of romping colors. That, in her little mind seemed to be of greater concern.

Was it the end of the world? The Armageddon? Was it some sort of military attack? Was it coming from somewhere else entirely?

What a petty thing, she mused. To be awe-stricken at some colors in the sky without any real concern as to where they were coming from.

Camielle was a bit of an odd-looking child—extremely pretty, but odd nonetheless. Her hair was two tones of brown; a lighter shade and a darker shade. It was neither curly, nor wavy, but sat somewhere in between the two textures. Stringy actually.

Her skin was a bit paler than most, if you looked close enough, you could see the semblance of greenish tones. Not like the ever-coveted olive green that some Europeans contained, but a pale green, reminiscent of regurgitation. Thankfully, her Caucasian skin masked the subfusc green well.

Her eyes were enormous and brown—matching her hair. Children at school consistently teased her over it. Cow-eyed Cammy, they'd call her. Yet, Camielle being of such a mature mind, ignored them.

She was thin. Thinner than most of the girls in her class. Her arms were long and wiry, as were her legs. Unfortunately for her, the poor girl was ill-proportioned. These were the reasons that she was always the misfit—the outcast.

Once again, these things did not bother her. She was content with being who she was. The world around her was of little to no consequence. The only thing that mattered to her about the group that surrounded her was their psyche. How could a Species so advanced—especially in comparison to all of the other species on earth—be such Neanderthals?

Camielle finally looked up at the transcendent lights in the sky and the orb that commanded them, like a Conductor of an orchestra. She supposed that they were lovely after all. Truly, she'd never seen anything like them. So, content with her analysis of mankind for the day, she too began to bask in the sublime ensemble. For different reasons than most, but enjoyed them despite the contrary.

After admiring the empyrean heavens for some three minutes or so, Camielle moved forward. It was time to find something else to stimulate her cerebrum. A mind like hers was something of a sponge and a glutton. It absorbed everything and craved more. Nothing kept her attention for too long, as everything obtained her engrossment—if that made any sense.

Like Camielle, I continually feel out of place. I've come to accept that the life of a forward thinker is a lonesome one.