Saturday, March 21, 2020

Can I Get a Refund?

I am not liking this free trail offer of 2020. Can I get a refund?

Let me just start by saying that I didn't anticipate that this year would be so hard so far, but low and behold ... I'm not a happy camper and here is why ...

January was the culmination of some issues a few months in the making.

I'd been struggling with my health for several years, but in November of 2019 upon starting a new job with Amazon it all came to a head. Due to the laborious nature of the warehouse job all of the ailments I'd been battling with for some time decided to show out.
This caused an avalanche effect which took me far too many visits to my doctor and to the hospital to get addressed. And eventually, by the end of the month, began the forced process of having to apply for temporary disability.
I can't complain about my birthday, though. That was very nice. Sending thanks to the bestie for that.

February was a blur. And not in a good way.
The process of applying for and waiting on the temporary disability approval had begun. While the days ticked by, stress built. And built some more, and more, and more.
Meanwhile, there was no money to pay bills or tend to household needs. Like food, for example.
Thankfully, when the going gets tough, the tough get going and between the bestie and I, we found a way to stay afloat.
The scramble, however, lent itself to the tussle of trying to find alternate income and a means to acquire it.
Job searches, car shopping (without money), tax filing, more job searching, hustle seeking, and so on.
I was called in for a few job interviews but didn't really hit on anything during this time.
So ... further stress built.
Until the receipt of the income tax return. Finally some alleviation could come. Not a whole lot as the return wasn't so large, but just enough to get important things done.
When all of the sudden I received some terrible news in the worst way possible. Via Facebook.
A good, longtime friend of mine passed away. This hit me hard. He was younger than me. To make matters more complex was the fact that at one point he had romantic interest in me. Throughout the years we'd known each other I found myself time and time again wondering if I'd made a mistake by not accepting his romantic proposal. Many times I thought to myself that he and I may had been married by that point if I had accepted him. I often wondered and speculated on the "what ifs" of him and I. So I guess you can say he was more than just a friend. I cared about him quite a lot.
One week later my mother calls to tell me that my grandmother, whom had been battling with cancer for months was given weeks, if not days, to live.
In the background CoVid-19 was running rampant.

Then came March. Oh, for the love of God ... March.

So CoVid-19 creeps closer and closer to home in the background as other things happened in the forefront.
In the first couple of weeks of March, I luckily was able to get myself a car which would help with making money in some ways. I am knocking on wood for that. I got called in for an interview and was subsequently hired by the same organization on a part-time and temporary basis. Which was also good. I even got the approval letter from temporary disability which was also nice. This meant that soon the funds would be flowing in. It eased the high tensions of monetary instability.
But the battle against CoVid-19 had started to flourish with a vengeance here in the US.
I was able to work In-Office for my first week at the new gig but by the time the second week had rolled around, we were quarantined. Simultaneously I received the heartbreaking news from my mother that my grandmother had passed away.
It hasn't yet been a week since her passing. I am still heartbroken. She was my last living grandparent and a wonderful, kind, caring matriarch.
My biggest regret is that I didn't get the opportunity to see her before her passing. As a matter of fact, it had been years since I'd been able to see her. I wish I'd had more time with her. Sincerely. The last time I'd seen her in person was about 20 years ago. Since she lived out of the United States it was hard for me to go visit as often as I'd have liked.
I'm finding it hard to believe that she is gone. I can't quite imagine what the family home would feel like without her there for she was the essence of home. I've cried, even talked to her in prayer, yet I still feel a great void. Mostly because though I know she is "here", she is not here. She had a contagious laugh and a kind smile. She had beautiful gray hair that she always kept in a bun. She smelled of roses and home cooking. She had soft hands and a warm embrace. Her faith ran deep and was her anchor. She hummed her favorite hymns as she swept the kitchen floor and washed the dishes. She praised God with eyes closed tight and arms wide open. She was humble and strong. And kind. Oh so kind.
I remember the flavor of her cooking. The sound of the metal cooking spoon tapping the side of the aluminum rice pot. I remember her offering me Bosco chocolate milk because she knew I didn't like strawberry. And for some reason she always had Coca Cola laying around in the kitchen "for visitors". LOL
I'm going to miss her. Just as much as I miss all of my grandparents that are now gone.