I AM TOMBOY.
For those of you whom don't necessarily know what a Tom Boy is, here is the meaning:
A girl who behaves in a way that is perceived to be stereotypically boyish or masculine.
What makes me a Tomboy?
Well, my affinity for gadgets/electronics (IE: computers, phones and tablets), my love for boxing, my high regard of science and history, my sometimes "man'ish" mannerisms (IE: burping & farting aloud then rating it, preferring to fix something myself than hire someone, not reading instructions when doing handyman tasks) and my wardrobe.
This presents a problem. Because on top of being a Tomboy, I'm also a Trooper. That is to say that I press forward regardless of the challenge, and I tend to be stronger than the average bear. And by "bear" I mean "man". LOL. :) And by "stronger", I mean "more mentally stable, less prone to drama, incredibly independent and highly tenacious when necessary".
So how does this impact me?
Well, honestly, I want to meet a man that is more of a man than I am. That seems impossible!
I've been trying to find the proverbial "Mr. Right" for well over 8 years. I was divorced 9 years ago. In between those 9 years I was in a serious relationship for a year, which ended in relentless heartbreak. And simply have NOT been able to find what I'm looking for since.
I am not trying to insult anyone, but it gets me thinking ...
Do I live in the wrong country or something?
What am I looking for? Four simple things:
A loyal and loving man.
A smart man.
An appreciative man.
A man that is manlier than me.
Yet, as much as I try, I can't find it. At least not locally.
I have some amazing stories of exactly what I'm talking about. But, I'll share the most recent one with you.
Recently, I met a guy—a kid, really—12 years my junior. However, when I met him I immediately told him clearly that I could and would ONLY be his friend. My mind wouldn't change and he had to accept that.
Yet, somehow/somewhere down the line they kid became smitten with me. Although, I'd told him time and time again that I was not interested in a relationship with him, he seemed to think that if he could prove himself that I'd change my mind.
In the attempt to gain m favor this kid decided that he wanted to take me out for a birthday dinner. I conceded, telling him that this would be an outing AS FRIENDS and nothing more. Apparently, he didn't get the drift.
What as the outcome? Well, on the day of the outing he was acting like an asinine imbecile; driving like a maniac, drinking too much caffeine and incurring a case of self-imposed Tourette's Syndrome, hitting on the male waiter in the attempt to act as if he was okay with the waiter hitting on me (which he was). And the list goes on and on.
The very next day he contacted me apologizing for being such a fool, and throughout our discussion he admitted that he was sorely affected by his ex-girlfriend's infidelity and had become emotionally unstable. So his insecurities were playing out while we were at dinner.
Well, there it is! Boom! My point exactly! This is what I'm talking about.
I've been heartbroken too! But, it's made me stronger and more determined to keep living. Shouldn't "a man" have a bit more balls than me?
Suffice it to say, that I think my strength works against me because I find that people turn to me for strength. This includes any potential dating material.
Well, with that said, I've come to two conclusions:
- I should have been named "Yas-MAN"
- I won't be taking any man seriously until he can prove that he is more manly than I am.