Friday, June 26, 2020

Journal Entry: 6/26/2020

They say they understand, but they really don't.

I will start by saying that I know the world, in particular the US in which I reside, is under the clutches of the COVID-19 pandemic. Therefore, dating as it is supposed to be done is not possible.
With that said, I'll continue my post.

It's been a while since I've been in a relationship. The last guy I dated, as nice and great as he was, simply was not for me. We broke up December of 2017. I've been single since.

I really feel like I am ready to start dating again. I truly do. But, for me, dating is a chore. It feels more like an inconvenience than a leisurely/pleasant way to find my potential other half. Though there are a lot of reasons I can list, there is one that is at the top of the list.

My sexuality.

I identify as a heterosexual-sapiosexual.

In case you don't know what that means ...

But that's not the end of it. In the words of the famous and very profound Shrek (lol), "I'm like an onion. I have layers."
I attribute this part of me to my star sign of Aquarius.

Since I am an artist, I am very visual.
What does this mean?

Most sapiosexuals are solely attracted the an individual's mind. For me, there also has to be an equal sense of mutual visual attraction. This doesn't mean that the guy has to be Chris-Freaking-Hemsworth, but I have to find something in him visually that draws me in.

And yet, there is still more.

I am also a combination of contemporary and old-fashioned. I am an amalgamation.

As a romantic, I like to be courted. As a profound thinker, at times I like intellectual conversation. As a witty person with a good sense of humor, I like being silly and often keeping things light and fun. As an artist, I am attracted to all things esoteric, ethereal and thought provoking. As a philanthropist, I am moved by altruistic and benevolent acts and often aspire to take part in them. As a spiritual person, I am always looking towards a higher power to find enlightenment and guidance. As a spontaneous person, I am moved by the notion of freewill and freedom. And, as a logical thinker, I find the same mind-frame in other people admirable.

Why am I even bringing all of this up? Simple, actually. Because as my opening statement says ... They say they understand, but they really don't.

Here we go ... we're gonna get to the meat of the matter now.

Often times, when I meet a guy the opening line is "I'm a very sexual person."

I mean, I get it. Men are sexual creatures. Just like any mammal. I get it, I do!

Guess what, guys ... SO ARE WOMEN!

The issue is that we are wired differently. And for a person such as myself, even more differently than most. Like, very much so.

I find it very unattractive and off-putting when a man cannot hold a decent conversation. I find it even more repulsive when a guy tries to interject his penis or sex into every fucking conversation. Sexual innuendos are only funny when used sparsely and appropriately. And YES, there is a way to use "sex jokes" appropriately. It's called, "When the timing is right."
After a while I get bored, and a bitter taste forms in my mouth that I can't ignore.

It seems impossible for the opposite sex to understand that in order to stimulate my sex, YOU MUST FIRST STIMULATE MY MIND!

What's more, I hear it ALL the time ...

"Oh, sapiosexual. That's cool. I know what that is." and at the flip of a dime, boom the guy is an all out moron. I get even more insulted when I know that the guy is intelligent but he acts like a horn-ball from a 1980's movie.

Plain and simple, it's situations like this that keep me from going back out into the dating world. Hence, I feel like I will be single forever no matter how "ready" I am to date again.

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